1 post tagged “vox”

Wyldemille Weekly....The Paper Even Your Dog Won't Chew

This week's top stories...

1.  Family.

The Mille made headlines again this week for its outstanding contribution toward the existence of the family.  A recently published survey saw the Mille top the table of Children per Teenage Girl.  This reporter was fortunate to catch up with a lady featured in the table in between Trisha and Hollyoaks.  A Miss B.V.Y.P.R.F.V. Evans, gave her response to the findings as follows.

 'Fuckin awesome like innit yeah, do you know what i mean'? 

Not really no.

 'Well like we is gotta fucking resbonsibilitee to ave kids like innit cos we needs someone to hold our fags like innit and kids can shoplift well better than us innit, do you know what i mean'?

Still a little unclear,  but this reporter got the gist.  Thank you Beyonce, who incidently is hoping for her 7th child this August, just before she starts Comp.  Congratulations Beyonce, we are all hoping it's your first Black one.

2.  Identity.

Horror struck this week when another resident of the Mille, a Master 50 Cent Jones, was mistaken for a resident of Treherbert.  Unhappy with this error from the public, 50 approached this paper to enquire about how such a mistake could have occured.

'What the fuck is the fuckin twat on like innit, C**t'?

This reporter then pointed out that 50 was not dressed entirely in the correct attire for a Milleite.  He had succesfully remembered his Burberry Cap, 20 Lambert, and luminous tracksuit, but somehow forget to carry his crate of Strongbow.  After demonstrating his mistake, 50 was apologetic explaining that '...the c**ts fucked my dole up like innit so I had to nick me Bow quick and drink it in one to get rid of the fucking bottle, do you know what the fuck i mean...'?

Almost 50 yes. 

For female milleites your uniform to be worn is printed below to make sure the same doesn't happen to you.

1. 1 Pair of flourescent tracksuit bottoms (Kappa or Reebok).

2. 1 Boob Tube (with tattoo of ex boyfriends name clearly visible on left tit).

3. One pram (3-8 babies, one black one if possible).

4. One packet of Regal Full Tar and one bottle of Bacardi.

5. One thong (must be visible above tracksuit bottoms).

Finally a look at the markets. Meth down to £2 a kilo, LSD and Ecstacy £4 a bag (BOGOF) and Smack £5 an Ounce.