2 posts tagged “the weekly newspaper wyldemille weekly isn't it? latest stories from the mille.”
Wyldemille Weekly - The Paper That Get's Dogshit Off Your Shoes
Todays Top Stories:
1. Travel: As residents of the Mille will no doubt have noticed, travelling from the Mille into civilisation is becoming increasingly difficult since the murder of 7 bus drivers during 2007. A young Millite though has approached this paper with a new initiative to improve services. A Mr Dwayne (Dangerous) Kyle, has conceived quite an ingenious scheme where he has offered his services to pick up and drop off residents anywhere within South Wales at no cost to himself. 'No Cost' I hear you say. That is correct, Mr Kyle will use his hotwiring skills he learnt at the age of 18months to liberate the vehicles of shoppers at Tesco and use them as one way taxis to a Wyldemille residents choice of destination. He will then make the return journey in a different vehicle, thus giving residents the pleasure of a ride in two separate cars.
2. Sport: It has been a fantastic week for many of the Mille's Sports Team with wins both home and away in every competition. Wydlemille's Warriors annihilated The Pensioners and Retired Ladies Club when both teams met in the Stone Throwers Cup Final. It all came down to the final rock, but a Miss Beyonce Evans shrugged off any pressure and delivered a devastating throw, smashing the Post Office's new glass door window and knocking out the manger at the same time. There was also wins for Firestarting, Bare Knuckle Boxing and Air Rifle Shooting. Well done all.
3. Finally a look at the markets: Skunk down 20p a ton. Heroin remains steady at £5 a kilo, Crack and Cocaine rose by 1p an Ounce.
Wyldemille Weekly - Cos Jeremy Kyle is a Repeat....
Todays Top Stories.
1. Rioting. It has been brought to my attention that last nights riots got a little out of hand. Unfortunately the nightly bit of fun ended with the death of 4 local residents. This really is going to far so for future reference remember that damage to persons should never exceed brain damage or GBH. This evenings riot will kick off outside the Chippy after X factor and finish when Big Brother Little Brother starts, Weapons are available and kids are welcome to spur on their team from the telephone pylons and disused phone boxes.
2. A promising statistic of the week was the amount of fathers living with their children. Out of the estate's population of 7,679, the official figure rose from 3 to 8. Critics have tried to play down the rise as it corresponds exactly with the amount of fathers released from the prison last week.
3. Finally a look at the markets. Heroin down 1%, Cocaine remained steady at 35 pounds a bag, and Speed, LSD and Cannabis all rose 2% to 4 pounds a kilo. This reporters top tip is to search the interwebet for GoCompareDealers.com for the best prices.
Todays Top Stories.
1. Rioting. It has been brought to my attention that last nights riots got a little out of hand. Unfortunately the nightly bit of fun ended with the death of 4 local residents. This really is going to far so for future reference remember that damage to persons should never exceed brain damage or GBH. This evenings riot will kick off outside the Chippy after X factor and finish when Big Brother Little Brother starts, Weapons are available and kids are welcome to spur on their team from the telephone pylons and disused phone boxes.
2. A promising statistic of the week was the amount of fathers living with their children. Out of the estate's population of 7,679, the official figure rose from 3 to 8. Critics have tried to play down the rise as it corresponds exactly with the amount of fathers released from the prison last week.
3. Finally a look at the markets. Heroin down 1%, Cocaine remained steady at 35 pounds a bag, and Speed, LSD and Cannabis all rose 2% to 4 pounds a kilo. This reporters top tip is to search the interwebet for GoCompareDealers.com for the best prices.
My Groups
-
I AM IN MY 30's Updated: 6 days ago
Neighborhood
Explore friends, family, friends & family, or entire neighborhood.
