2 posts tagged “bridgend”

War

After months and almost weeks of peace and harmony on the Wyldemille Estate old grudges have once again resurfaced which threaten to reignite old animosity, flare up old feuds, and have the potential to erupt onto the streets even during Oprah.  The longest period of community harmony the estate has seen since Big Brother first arrived on our screens, now threatens to explode into the biggest mass riot since 40,000 Giros went missing in the week before Christmas.

The source of the current discontent has been traced back to a videotape starring ex-Milleite Miss E Logan.  This unfortuante piece of footage has made it's way into the hands of the Tair-Felin Massive, who claim that Miss Logan is one of their bitches, who screened the tape in the local communtiy centre last Friday night.  Community Centre manager, Phil McCrevis expressed delight at the turnout and even praised those who stood outside in the rain peering through the window at Miss Logan's actions.  Members of the Tair-Felin Massive were less than impressed, however, seeing quite explicitly that Miss Logan was clearly entertaining several members of rival Massive Maes-Yr-Felin.

 'This kind of disloyalty is fucking not on like innit.  She is our Ho and always has been.  Check out the local subways which record her special talents. Bitch!' said Master Montell Ne-Yo Evans.  Strong words indeed and a warning to other local Ho's that such behaviour is unacceptable.  Miss Logan, who's shame has sent her into hiding was unavailable for comment.  However, copies of Miss Logan's dramatic production are up for grabs in this weeks Wydlemille Weekly Prize Draw.  This reporter shall have to retain one copy for research purposes of course.

It was hoped that after the horrors of the Glanfornwg Missile Crisis, the Maes-Tair Blitxkrieg of 2003, and the infamous seige of Muchchies Chippy during the battered sausage shortage, that such horrors would be a thing of the past.  However, as I'm writing hostilities have already broken out,  Londis has sold out of paint thinner, the Maes-yr-Felin Massive have ramraided Black and Decker, and Air Rifle sales have reached record levels.

This reporter is currently situated in no-mans land on the grounds of the old boiler house.  To my left is the Maes-ye-Felin Massive, dressed in Reebok Combats and Burberry Hats.  To my right stand the Tair-Felin Alliance of Chavs with their war-music of Hard Core Garage cutting a menacing picture. However, just as the warring factions began to charge into battle hope suddenly entered the fray.  The combatants dropped their weapons, checked their watch and, in panic, began to race back in the direction they had came.  A miracle I thought, somehow they had recognised the futility of war, until my assistant pointed out that Jeremy Kyle had just started.

WW should give mention to one beneficiary of the escalation of this new conflict Mr Dwayne 'Dangerous' Nutz, who in a stroke of genius agreed to finance both sides.  His motto 'Fight Meth With More Meth' has caught on so there is at least some positives to take away from senseless mass murder.

Finally, it should be noted that Miss Logan's actions were completely out of character and she is a pillar of public decency and morality that all ladies should aspire too.   .